Sock is taking a research trip to Mexico to evaluate Ameri-Mexico relations and the state of Agave. I will be back just in time for the Oscars. Go, Sophia!
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February 22, 2004
February 20, 2004
February 19, 2004
Listen Up, Bee-yotch!
I witnessed NUMEROUS heinous breaches of etiquette on the subway yesterday. This kind of behavior really pushes me RIGHT over the edge, and though I cannot believe I have to do this, clearly it's time for a primer on how to behave in the subway.
How To Behave in the Subway:
1. Listening to a walkman or ipod is fine. Even if everyone can hear the tinny songs leaking from your headphones, it's okay. not ideal, but okay. What is not okay is bringing a boombox onto the train and forcing everyone to endure listening to Mariah Carey. NOT OKAY. Did this happen? Yes it did. What kind of people do this? Don't ask me, yo, because I don't know.
2. Chewing gum? Okay. Enjoy your gum. Don't chew it in a job interview, though. But smacking/cracking your gum in an otherwise silent car is just rude. I could not concentrate on my New Yorker essay about the Aryan Brotherhood because you, you teenage husssy, were smacking your gum like it was a firecracker. You know how you look when you do that? Gross.
3. It is NEVER acceptable to trim your nails anywhere but the privacy of your own room, preferably when your mate is at work. Why would you trim your nails on the train? It is because you're disgusting? Yes, it is.
I had to change cars yesterday because SOMEONE was very passionately clipping his nails and I was fighting the urge to stand up and clip his entire hand off. But when I switched cars, I soon came across violation number 4.
4. Do not ever, under any circumstances, pull out your genitals in front of a woman and start yanking on them. Just don't ever do this, no matter how much you might want to. Very bad manners.
Berlin aventuren!
My friend and soon to be super-famous director, Josh Marston, just got back from the Berlin Film Festival, where his film, the devastating "Maria Full of Grace" won the Silver Bear for Best Actress and Alfred Bauer Prize for Best First Film!
That's great and all, but what's best is that women from all around the world are aching for just one kiss from his strawberry lips. I'm not lying. Yea, Josh!
February 17, 2004
New York Fantasies
I'm starting a whole new category today - New York Fantasies. I have a million of 'em, hopefully I'll only share the better ones.
1. I recently rediscovered Roxy Music, and I am back in love with the song, "To Turn You On" from the Avalon album. One of my fantasies (a music fantasy) is that this whole album is about me. Who wouldn't want foxy music Bryan Ferry crooning, "More than this, there is nothing", into her ears?
Anyway, "To Turn You On" has one verse that goes: "Is it raining in New York, on Fifth Avenue? And off Broadway after dark -- love the lights, don't you? I could walk you through the park if you're feeling blue, or whatever."
"...if you're feeling blue, or whatever." Can we please take a moment to appreciate this?
Here's my New York Fantasy that goes with this song: I am a wealthy, lonely woman living on the Upper East Side, married to some accounting dork. Oh yeah, I am staggeringly gorgeous with an air of international mystery.(It's a FANTASY, okay?) It's 1977, and I am discovering the downtown scene, blowing off all my afternoon teas. Lance Loud and I become friends. And some rakish artist takes me under his wing, crooning to me like Bryan Ferry. I am so smitten that I trace his name into rain-smeared taxicab windows. I make my downtown debut by riding a horse into Studio 54, a la Bianca.
February 16, 2004
Today's Links:
Well, it's President's Day, whatever that means. A lot of you of have extra time on your hands today. And maybe you don't want to go outside today because it be cold and all. And maybe you don't want to go to the gym today because it's cold and all AND it's a holiday, so I have provided some diversions you can enjoy in your apartment.
1. An oldie but a goodie from "This American Life". The best part of this audio clip is at the very end, a story about the greatest phone message ever. Download file
If you want more, do a search for the Squirrel Cop story. From WBEZ in Chicago | This American Life. You will not, no way no how, be disappointed by this.
2. Make your handwriting into its own font! Fontifier
Isn't Drew looking good these days?
I can't help it; I like her.
February 11, 2004
February 10, 2004
I've Got 2 Tickets to PARADISE!
Agent X and I went to The Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show yesterday. It was my first outing after having been smote down with strep throat (which explains the minimal posting lately) and I could not have been more happy to share my debut with thousands of dogs!
Where did dog shows come from? Beauty pageants? There are more similarities between the two than just talk about bitches. For example, all the dog owners are striving to achieve a narrowly-defined manifestation of perfection, which has something to do with leg-length, musculature, a glistening mouth, a nice "topline", and an erect tail.
But when dogs win, they do not squeal or cry; their owners do. I cannot put my finger on it, but the desire to compete surely is conncected to the owner's sense of vanity. The dogs are there because of the doggie treats. I had no idea that every move they make is prompted by the promise of a scoobie snack. But you'd think that if the owner's are so fixated on appearance, they'd make an effort to wear decent shoes.
Don't get me wrong, I had a GREAT time. I adore all dogs, big and small. I'd rather run around in a field with them than show them, but that's just me. (Hell, I'd rather run around in a field than just about anything, to be honest, dog or no dog. Cute guy preferably. Anyway....). One very special feature of the dog show is that you can also do a little meet and greet with the dogs behind the scenes, something that should be instituted into all shows - fashion shows, rock shows, broadway shows, etc. I got to meet some of my favorites -
Levi in show:
Levi face-to-face:
(so cute I can barely stand it!)
- and see how some of the magic is made.
I swear, some dogs had a whole team of groomers and handlers.
("....the Never-Ending Story, reach the stars, fly a fantasy dream...")
That is a dog. See?
Join me tomorrow for Part 2 - Chihuahuas!
By the way, I found my future dog: 
WATCH THE FINALS tonight at 8 on USA.
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